Smoking Trees in Belize: What’s the cushiest job in sports?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

What’s the cushiest job in sports?

NFL punters live the good life. True they lack the glory and pop appeal of QB’s or even LB’s, they also lack the crippling injuries as well. The punter’s job is even easier than other members of the special teams unit. High pressure situations are the norm for kickers and long snappers, whereas punters often have the luxury of punting towards a 60-yard-wide target. Punters have easy training camps, little fear of getting jacked up, and less pads to put in their pants. Life is good for the decent punter.

The Designated Hitter position is every selfish kid’s dream. Whether it be kickball, Wiffleball, or baseball, hitting is pure fun. MLBers like Papi get to sit around the dugout for a few hours and take a few practice hacks every now and then. About every 30 minutes you get to bat, but never have to run out to the field afterwards. Unlike punters, the DH offers ample opportunity for glory, and a likelihood of being one the highest paid players on the team. However much of what makes punting appealing applies to DH, minimized risk of injury, along with a diminished need for physical exertion.



What about all time QB in backyard football? The closer in baseball is my alltime dream job. You can be fat, slow, and only have enough juice in your arm for 1-2 innings or work. All you have to do is sit in the outfield and eat sunflower seeds and pull bullpen pranks. Then you work 3 of 5 games and get paid like a starter. Downside: stress, but if you are on a decent or bad team, no one pays attention anyways.